Realizations
by thE eKLeKtiK avrge JoE
Summary: When Jack's past comes back to haunt him, it forces him to make some realizations about life and the people around him. Slight slash in the near future.
1. Chapter

**Disclaimer: I do not own Newsies.**

He stared at the picture.

This must be a dream, a sick joke of some sort. This couldn't be happening, not here, not now. It just wasn't possible. All those years putting _him_ in the past, and this one picture threatened to ruin all that he had worked so hard to keep a secret. Already the memories were flooding back. The pain, the shame of letting someone like _him_ be in control, the helpless feeling that came with the shame, the claustrophobia that came with being in _his_ presence.

He wanted scream. He wanted to run. He wanted to do anything to distance himself from that picture. But his body wouldn't allow it. He was frozen in time, in the memories. He was spiraling, but he must keep moving, he still had to keep up the façade he had perfected. There was still work to be done, things to steal, people to scam, rent to earn. But _he_ was out. _He_ was throwing a wrench into the perfect life Jack had created for himself.

"Hey, hey, hey! Whadaya still doin' here? I gave ya yer papes, now move it!"

Wiesel's voice slammed Jack Kelly out of his thoughts, and for once, he kept his mouth shut. Instead, he sat down on the steps, just out of the way of the other people behind him, and stared down at the picture again.

The man in the picture was almost too thin to be healthy, and obviously hadn't shaved in quite a while, giving him a scruffy sort of look. The dark facial hair hid his strong jaw, and threatened to take his sensual lips. Even through the black-and-white picture, the hair looked in desperate need of a cleaning, as did his skin, due to the dirt that covered it. His nose was thin and pointed, even from this angle. But he hardly noticed any of those things. What really got to Jack were the eyes. Those haunted, sunken eyes, almost unnoticeable from under the tangled mass of hair.

Those eyes that showed part of the madness that went through the man's mind. Jack didn't know how many times he had faced those eyes …

"_Don' be 'fraid, Francis."_

… in that room …

"_This wont hurt a' all. Tha's a good boy."_

"_Such a good boy."_

Jack jumped when he heard Racetrack call to him. "Ya alrigh' there, Cowboy? Ya look like ya seen a ghost or somethin'." Jack shook himself out of his daze. He couldn't let that happen again, couldn't let anyone find out what this really meant to him. He couldn't let anyone find out his past, not the part he fought so hard to hide.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Jis f-feeling a li'l sick. I'll be fine. Uh … do me a favor, will ya? Save me some papes. I … I, uh, gotta go somewhere." He couldn't exactly deal with people right now. He needed to pull himself together before he faced the crowd.

"You sure you'se feelin' okay, Jacky?" Race came closer. Christ, he didn't need this right now.

Jack backed away from Racetrack, willing him to see that there was nothing wrong. "I told ya I'm fine, so back off! Just watch me papes, and if I don't come back, sell 'em for me," he said throwing the Italian his papers, and then he walked out of there. He went straight to the lodging house. Jack needed to think.


	2. Author's Note

Dear Readers,

For those of you who have hung on thus far, your loyalty means so much to me. I appreciate the fact that you had enough faith in me to keep me and this story in your Update Alerts. It's been a long and arduous journey, and it's not over yet. While I have been more than slightly infrequent at updating, it's only going to get better. Lemme explain. For the past ... I don't know how long I've had to travel in and out of the country for months at a time for personal reasons I'd rather not disclose here. However, I am here to tell you that I officially do not have to do such things anymore and am doing an entire overhaul on this story to make it better and make sure it is the best I can possibly give you.

For those of you who have just joined me, thank you for giving this story a chance.

Once again, I appreciate all of you who are willing to give me another chance. Now on with the writing!

Your faithful writer,

thE eKLeKtiK avrge JoE


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